The Matrix:all Jacked up
by hotpants333
Summary: Someone very naive by the alias of 'Jack' gets unplugged. How do the others deal with Jack's constant whining and lack of interest?
1. Holy crap, the matrix is calling!

A/N I just saw The Matrix: Reloaded and thought I might add my own take to it. It begins with the main storyline of the first one, but different. Read and Enjoy!...please? Oh well, here goes..

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Matrix characters like Trinity, Morpheus, Neo.. etc... though I wouldn't mind ...

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I pulled into my driveway at 12:30am. The Friday night was young, there was much time to waste. So, I did the usual; I logged on to my computer. I have a secret love of the life on the Internet. I mean, you can be who ever you want, whenever you want. You can mess with anybody if it's over the computer. I don't consider myself a hard-core 'computer nerd', I just love toying with people. Just as I was about to put the hack into someone's laptop, my screen went totally black. "Shit!" I exclaimed. That guy's totally gonna trace me down.. Oh well. I got up to satisfy my hunger cravings with Doritos. When I came back, there was strange green writing encrypted on the screen: 'Hello, Jack'. Jack? Oh yeah. that was one of my many identities online. Wait? What the hell? I pushed Esc, Ctrl + Alt + Delete, and even threw the keyboard across the room when I couldn't type in response.

'The Matrix has you..' It continued.

" God dammit! This isn't another Powerade ad is it?" I yelled. _(A/N: This is kind of a dated joke, because this story was was originally published over two years ago. These commercials aired around the time Reloaded came out. Hopefully you can remember!)  
_  
'No.. This isn't a Powerade ad...do you even know what the Matrix is?'

"Hell yeah! I just got back from watching the new one! Neo's damn attractive in that black coat. anyways, is this the time that I follow the white rabbit?"

'Well, actually...whatever"

Hm. I looked out the window, expecting to see a freaky chick with a rabbit tattoo, but instead shocked to see a hoard of white rabbits hopping about my lawn. "You have GOT to be kidding me." I muttered to myself.

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3 frustrating hours later, I finally arrived to the start of my journey to the Real World: Wienerschnitzel. Wienerschnitzel? Of all places. Wienerschnitzel? Man, the world works in mysterious ways...

I opened the doors, welcomed by the aroma of greasy sausage and Lysol. I looked around, and finally found the two sadistic, shady-looking figures.  
I looked into their cold, adamant stares and responded with "Carrie-Anne Moss? Laurence Fishburne? No way! Do you think I could get your guys's autographs after I get unplugged?"

"Uh. it's Trinity and Morpheus. And no. Right now it's time to go to Morpheus's lair, a.k.a a shitty abandoned warehouse in a dark alleyway."

I was disappointed about not getting autographs, but I was excited that I was soon going to see Neo, the amazing "One." After a long, awkwardly silent drive, we finally reached his lair. I mean, why can't he give me the pills at like, the Phoenician or the Four Seasons hotel or something? We reached the room, and Morpheus sat on his infamous tattered chair. As he was making his "What is the Matrix" speech, I started to wonder if I really wanted to do this. I mean, I'll be in a constant battle with machines, I'd lose my family, friends, basically everything I had. Plus, If I go into the Real World, I'd be bald. But on the contrary, How else can I accomplish those uber-cool moves that they all do? By this time, Morpheus's shpeal got to the choice between the red pill and the blue pill. But.. I just HAD to ask something first:

"Hey.. What happened if you took both pills at the same time? I mean, I'm not gonna do it, but like, would you be half Matrix/ half Real World?.."

Morpheus cut me off with "Just take the red pill."

I swallowed the red horse pill, hoping I made the right decision as it left a nasty taste in my mouth. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next, cursing myself for going to the bathroom during this part of the movie.

They led me to this place where there were more black-wearing sadistic people, who attached wires and stuff to me. I noticed this mirror that seemed to be more like water rather than glass. Out of curiosity, I kicked at it. Big mistake. My leg was covered in 'liquid mirror.' "Why is this chrome shit all over me?" I exclaimed, trying to pull it off. Unfortunately, it seeped onto my hands, covering my whole body. Very soon, I was taken in by one of the many trippy experiences I will soon have.

"Guys.." Morpheus began " I think we just unplugged an idiot."

A/N (again) ahhh! How bad did that suck? Well, I hope you didn't think so...If you're cool enough to review me, I'll totally write more, or I'll stop if you hated it. Pleeeeease review!


	2. WTF is going on?

A/N: WOW! It's been a looong time. Well, if anyone is still interested (thank you my 5 lovely reviewers!) or has some extra time on their hands, I wouldn't mind if you gave it a read J. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Matrix characters like Trinity, Morpheus, Neo.. Bloobity blah.

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The first thing I remember was waking up in this cold, disgusting GOO. EW. There were also these…. Bolts? on the back of my head…. And where were my clothes? _Oh yikes, _I thought to myself, _This hairless, Nazi look is definitely something I'll never get used to._

I looked around and saw what seemed like an infinite amount of pods which were identical to the one I was in. _Wow, there has to be like, millions and millions of people in these things…. There's no way I could possibly recogn--"_

"Holy Shit!" It couldn't be. "Uncle Dave?" Yup, there he was, just kinda layin' there in his pod right by mine.

"Uh….Hey Dave?….about those sixty bucks I owe ya……." Hell; unconscious or not, it was worth a shot.

"Well, it's _kind of _in this holding pattern right now, and umm……… Ah, I guess it doesn't really matter anyways, me being……..here and all, and….you know….."

My 'chat' was then interrupted by those gnarly looking machines paying me a visit. "See ya!" I shouted to good ol' Dave as I was detached and freed from my pod.

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"Wow, this 'real world' really redefines the word haggard" I muttered to myself in my prison cell of a room. Well, at least this Nebuchadnezzar ship or whatever looked like crap. Jesus Christ, you'd think that a team who could manipulate the entire realm of the matrix could maybe…….I don't know, maybe paint the walls or something. Invest in some Venetian blinds. Jeez.

Ugh, speaking of crap, look at myself. Good thing I haven't seen any of these people before, because this whole 'potato-sack-for-clothes' look I'm sporting isn't exactly the most flattering.

Suddenly I heard a knock at my door. "You better get out here, food's ready" I heard Trinity shout from the other side. _Oh no…., _I remembered, _if the food's anything like the movie, that means it's…_

"EW! I'm not eating this shit!" I shouted at the table, when I was met with a bowl of a gray matter that resembled watery oatmeal mixed with cement.

"This has all the nutrients and vitamins your body needs." I was reminded by my less whiny counterpart, Tank.

"Uhh.." I said while slowly walking away, "I don't think anything that looks like it's used to make sidewalks could be considered _healthy_. But uh, call me when you're about to do that kung-fu stuff, I'll be getting some shut-eye in the other room."

_Wow, I'm really a prick._ I thought to myself as I settled in bed. _Why would they even put up with this? _

_I guess they obviously they chose me for a reason…and believe me, I'm dying to know why as much as you are._

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Whoa, you made it all the way down here? Congratulations, you're awesome. Please send a review my way if you can, it's definitely been awhile since I've done this:-) Thanks a lot!


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